I like cars. Over the years I’ve had my fair share of them - from outright sports cars like the Lotus Esprit to agricultural 4x4s such as the Land Rover, and just about everything in between. I’ve never owned a fully electric vehicle, although I did have a hybrid once, and it was supremely smooth, comfortable and surprisingly fast.
These days I’ve settled into my old man’s Jag, while my wife still drives a sporty SUV capable of carrying two sets of golf clubs and trolleys without complaint.
There are, however, certain things about modern cars that I have never understood. Why do manufacturers and the motoring media endlessly obsess over performance figures? Zero to 100 km/h in four seconds, top speeds north of 250 km/h, suspension so stiff it can supposedly corner like a race car. I ask you, who actually needs any of that?
On what roads can you realistically drive a car like that? Perhaps on the German autobahn, and only at 4am when nobody else is around. Here in Bahrain, we have excellent roads, but they are so full of traffic that you can barely reach the speed limit most of the time. And, if you do happen to find an empty stretch and decide to test the manufacturer’s claims, smile nicely because an extremely expensive photograph has probably just been taken of you.
Then there are all the unnecessary features endlessly praised in marketing brochures but rarely, if ever, used in real life. Have you ever actually used the flappy paddles? What about the speed limiter - did you even know your car had one? Does anyone genuinely open the sunroof anymore? Have you ever trusted the auto-parking function?
And, adaptive cruise control is an outright comedy in this part of the world. You switch it on and it politely matches the speed of the car ahead while leaving a safe gap. Excellent in theory. In practice, someone immediately moves into that safe gap, so your car slows down to create another one. Then someone fills that gap as well. Before long, you are travelling backwards and have somehow arrived home before you even left.
And then there is the mysterious feature hidden behind the steering wheel: the indicators. Some people seem to believe using them consumes extra fuel, while others appear entirely unaware they exist at all.
What the average motorist here really needs is quite simple: four comfortable seats, an engine large enough to make the air conditioning effective, and a basic automatic gearbox with only P, D, and R. Soft suspension for speed bumps and camping grounds, plus enough ground clearance so you don’t have to crouch down to get in - or require a crane to get out.
Cars are expensive. After a house, they are probably the biggest purchase most of us make, but they do not need to be so unnecessarily complicated.
Yes, modern cars are vastly more reliable than those of the past. Yes, it is wonderful that they no longer need scrapping after 100,000 kilometres. But honestly, manufacturers should dump the gimmicks and gizmos. Nobody is using them anyway.
Jackie@JBeedie.com